As time continues to pass attitudes towards sex and sexually continues to change. What was once considered taboo is now more acceptable. As attitudes change so does the rules of engagement.
I have recently discovered that my husband, soon to be ex-husband had quite an active sex life outside of the marriage. He denied it for years but as with all things the truth eventually came out.
As our divorce proceedings continue through the court more and more truths and secrets come to light. Rhe number of sexual partners continues to grow as does my hurt and anger.
I received a phone call the other day from the Wyoming Department of Health. I was advised that I was exposed to HIV and that I need to come in to be tested. I pointed out that I have only been with one man in the last 10 years and that was my husband.
They could not give me any information but strongly advised me to get tested. I confronted my husband and asked if he was HIV positive. He reluctantly admitted that he was. In fact he was in the hospital after having a serious reaction from the HIV meds.
At one point during our newly 7 year marriage my husband brought up bringing in others to play. I didn't like the idea and his response flooded me. He said monogamy was an unrealistic expectation, especially with Gay relationships.
The truth is monogamy is just as relevant today as it has ever been. The fact that he said this sent up red flags. I conducted many different surveys to challenge or validate his theory. The statistics indicated that in part he was right. However, even though those who opened their relationships up to add others reported thier relationships ultimately ended as a result.
When you ask a person to marry you, you are asking that individual to make a lifelong commitment to you and only you. If you do not feel that you can be 100% faithful do not get married. It is really that simple.
If the couple decides that they want to be married but still want the freedom to have sexual encounters with others that's certainly thier right to do so.
If it is agreed that a monogamous relationship is what is expected then both parties must honor that. In my case my husband claimed he was never in love with me. I was just a marriage of convenience. He never actively participated in the relationship and he was having unprotected sex with any man that was willing. He didn't care if they were married, straight, bi, gay. He also didn't care about his behavior or how his actions effected others, including his husband.
True love is so rare to find that many never do find it. I have begun to doubt it's existence.