How many of you have prayed in search of answers and felt like those prayers were not heard? I am sure we all have at some point. I have something awesome to share with you all that might shed some light on that very subject.
As some of you may or may not know the last part of 2020 and the first few months of 2021 were life changing. I had several major events that sent me spinning into a world of darkness. This world of heartache and uncertainty was so far reaching that I could no longer see a future as I once had. All I could see was an endless void of blackness. I had always been a positive and outgoing person. Now, I was just an empty shell devoid of any love, hope, or light. I thought God had abanded me.
In late September 2021 my husband announced he wanted a divorce. He had met some guy on line a week ahead of his shocking announcement and wanted to be with him.
In October of 2021 I learned I had been betrayed and used by a family member. Without going into detail I will say it was severe enough I cut that person out of my life forever. in doing so it caused some in my immediate family to separate themselves from me even though I had done nothing wrong.
The holidays quietly creeped by while I hid in my fortress of solitude. I refused to take or make any phone calls. I would not answer my door as I wanted and needed to keep the outside world out as much as humanly possible. I had never in my life been so hurt and depressed and I needed time away from everything in order to mend.
In mid February I lost my "Day job". I had been with the organization for over ten years. In that time I helped the organization become a better place for it's patients and it's staff. I worked closely with our CEO, other employees from each department to change our work culture and to create a new mission statement and set of core values. I participated in many rapid improvement processes that over time set our organization apart from all others!
March 2021 was when I lost my only companion and best friend Kaz. He was my little dog. Kaz was a miniature Yorkie with an enormous heart. He captured the hearts of everybody he came into contact with. I was traumatized by his passing as he died in my arms. His passing was horrific and unnecessary. I won't go into specifics here. His death was the final straw. I had endured all I could or was willing to deal with.
Now that you're all caught up on with the story. Being the sensitive person I am, when I love I love deeply, when I hurt, I hurt just as deeply. I had been crying and praying, praying and crying and I felt my prayers had fallen on deaf ears or got lost somewhere in the vast universe. I felt completely abandoned; first my husband and now God. I was getting more depressed. I was ready to just check out and decided to let God know how serious I was.
"God, if you can hear me, I need your help right now. You can either help me get through this and help me get on with my life or I will just get on out it." I threatened. Then I cried myself to sleep.
I dreamed I was walking down a street I didn't recognize. When off to my left was a large community garden, and in that garden, stood God! He was tending to one of the little gardens. I instantly started running towards him calling out to him as I ran.
"Hey God, I have been looking for you! I have been praying my heart out, have you not heard me?" I asked; slightly winded. I was now at God's side I looked on bewildered and puzzled. I went to speak again when he simply raised his hand saying,
"Be still and listen!" he commanded. Turning his attention back to the task at hand God went back to running the hoe down the length of the empty garden making rows. "I have heard your prayers and I know of your needs," he said. "I have been rather busy working on this garden, your garden," He pointed out.
God went on to explain that the all of the abrupt and life altering events I had been experiencing was the result of his removing all the weeds from my garden. God went on to say, "I wanted to plant new seeds but I had to pull all the weeds first. The weeds will choke out the flowers as they grow so they must go." he explained.
I gave him a puzzled look. Seeing this God pointed to a big pile of weeds; one of them was massive but with little root. "You asked me to rid all the negativity and negative people from your life and replace them with positive energy and people. Those weeds over there are the all the negative people and influences you had allowed to into your life. All of the issues you have suddenly been dealing with are directly linked to each weed I pulled in order to plant these new seeds," God explained while opening his hand. His hand was full of the brightest and most beautiful seeds I had ever seen! Seeing the awe and excitement in my eyes God smiled.
"These seeds represent everything you have asked for and need in your life. There are seeds to help you be successful, healthy spiritually, and a better version of yourself. These seeds will grow into the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen! They are rooted in faith rich soil that is also infused with love and hope." announced God. With that he turned once again the giant pile of weeds. He explained that the largest weed he pulled was the biggest concern because even though it had smallest roots it had a negative impact on the whole garden as a whole. It was meant to be a flower but it never took root in the blessed soil and so it began to feed off of all the flowers around it. It blended in nicely at first, but as it began to grow it also began to slowly drain and choke the life out each flower around it. In doing so the un-rooted flower began to change. It turned green and sprouted malicious looking leaves that cast dark shadows that eventually covered the whole garden as to not allow any sunshine or rain in to nourish the garden.
I knew right then and there that the weed God was referring to represented my husband. God shook his head knowingly. "You see my child; I have never and will never abandon you. I was busy working your in your garden removing the weeds and planting new seed so that your garden will grow big, bold, beautiful, and strong!"
Tears of joy, and guilt filled my eyes as I began to thank God for all the hard work he has done on my behalf and to apologize for ever doubting him. He reminded me that my faith is stronger that most people's because it is blind in nature and blind faith is the strongest and purest faith there is. Blind faith is knowing God exists without being told. Knowing God hears, sees, and knows all without being taught.
I am not religious and I do not go to church. I have never adopted any religious doctrines but rather allowed God himself to guide and lead me, and that is what God meant. As God put it, I have never been spoiled by any church. I never was taught any church doctrine. I simply believe in God and his undying love, grace, and power. I have always believed that no matter what the situation is God always has my back so to speak. God has never let me down. He pointed out that the garden represented all that I wanted and needed and he was giving it all to me simply because when I pray it is with pure faith.
"It is your faith that I have given this all to you. Just remember to mind the weeds," God instructed.
The dream I had about the garden was God's way of answering my prayers in a way he knew I would understand. God often speaks to me through my dreams because that is when I am most receptive. When I awoke the next morning all of that hurt, anger, bitterness, and fear was completely gone! Praise God!
I have since been able to completely forgive my husband and move on. I was able get back into life and back to being me! In the days that followed I met one of the most beautiful flowers in my garden. It was seed God pointed out to me saying “This seed here is special it will bloom into the most beautiful flower you have ever seen! It is rooted in deep in faith, it will bring you love, honesty, commitment, and shelter. This rare flower represents everything you have asked me for, but be mindful of the weeds! They will try and choke the flower out. You must keep a watchful eye on your garden. You must weed it, and care for it as I watch over and care for you.” God instructed.
The reason I shared this story and my dream with all of you is because I wanted to point out that when God is silent that he is doing his best work and it is in your life he is working! Sometimes we have to be patient or to "Be still," as God said. With faith and through God all things are possible. I pray those who read this get a blessing out of it! Praise Jesus holy name!
Update:
Since having the dream so many wonderful and amazing opportunities have come my way. At first I was hesitant to accept them and then I would remember the dream and know that I needed to step out of my comfort zone and run with it. I am now working for myself rather than others. I am launching my first ever business venture that has also opened up several other opportunities that will allow my business to not only grow but to thrive! It looks like my five year plan received a much needed boost and is happing now! It has allowed me to start adding in parts of my ten year plan years ahead of schedule so to speak. Edwards Entertainment will hopefully be ready to launch by late September!
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